LINKDING

<blockquote>This is not the damsel in distress rescue you are looking for. It's something else entirely. Allura had designed him business cards as a joke once: "Keith Kogane - I don't do assassinations. Anything else, we'll talk," with the contact number for his business comm pad. The joke was on her, though. He'd ordered 500. He was really sick as heck of people wasting his time because there was some loser they wanted dead. It had upped the weirdness quotient of calls he got from people who didn't know where else to turn, but he didn't mind.</blockquote>

<blockquote>“I thought you were just a reader!” Shen Qingqiu yells, gesturing with his teacup and spilling some drops on his sleeve. “You’re the hack author himself? Master of plotholes? King of red herrings? Is this a stallion novel or a cultivation novel? It’s impossible to say, either way you’ve taken a dump on every genre convention! And the ending, I didn’t even get a chance to comment on it—” Shang Qinghua pushes himself back from the table, eyes wide. “Shen Yuan?”</blockquote> ➤ just reread this fic and it's as fun as it was the first time! ➤ in which sqq and sqh were exes back in the real world ➤ they figure out who each other are and immediately fall to bickering over what actually happened in their relationship ➤ these two are SO FUNNY and SO RIDICULOUS and my heart gave a pang anyway! truly the magic of cumplane ➤ I love them and they're the worst <3333 ➤ 2k words in length

<blockquote>AUs I'm definitely not writing.</blockquote> ➤ the last two are the best ones

<blockquote>Tentacles and true love. "No way," Rodney says out loud. "No fucking way am I coming home after a long day of offworld Wraith-craziness just to get molested by the Ancient tentacular shower attachments, no way – "</blockquote>

<blockquote>Ray's a hipster college kid. Brad's a Marine. “You know,” the kid says, drawling. “This kind of homophobic rhetoric has no place in modern America, homes. Although I am a dicksucking liberal, both of those things are literally true.” He’s suddenly crowded up close behind Brad as the line reshuffles, and Brad can hear an obnoxious smirk in his voice as he says, “Want me to demonstrate, Marine?”</blockquote> ➤ sequel: I want your drama http://archiveofourown.org/works/370444